Day 1

I grew up in Mexico: a country of smokers, when I was in high school you could buy a pack of cigarettes for less than a dollar. I am part of a family of smokers; grandma, mum, dad, uncles, aunts, cousins... everyone smoked, it *was* easy and cool...  That's how I ended up being a smoker at 16 years old, I smoked for thirteen years until one good day of January 2015, when I managed to quit thanks to Allen Carr's method - I was a very happy non-smoker for almost five years.

Last year, in December after a few glasses of wine with my friends someone offered me a smoke and I made the mistake of thinking I could have "only one": that cigarette quickly became two and many more, a few weeks in I tried to quit but it was too late, I got "smokers brain" and convinced myself that I could be a "social smoker" but then I would smoke alone. The anxiety came back, the bargaining, the contradictions. 

I had to do something, I am addicted to nicotine and I need help to quit again. That's how I ended up back doing my second round of Allen Carr's workshop. Today is Day one after a zoom workshop.

Started the day as usual and thought I would miss the morning cigarette, but I didn't. I realized I missed the actual taste of coffee, the drinking ritual, the calm before waking up completely without t the anxiety that comes with nicotine.

By midday I have thought of cigarettes a few times (especially writing this up): the thoughts are intrusive but not persistent - they come and go quickly, not like other times when I've tried to quit without help. Perhaps is that I learnt to face these thoughts with a different mindset; taking control back by acknowledging and validating how I feel and knowing that this is temporary and only a part of the process. Or perhaps it's like it was back in 2015: just like magic.